I see London, I see France

To absolutely no one's surprise, the hottest Google search at this moment in history is for those infamous photographs of Britney Spears's unclad nether regions, shot surreptitiously during the Britster's recent night on the town with Paris Hilton, another party girl who's also been known to leave her drawers in the drawer, if you catch my drift.

Now, persons of genuine taste and discernment don't want to get snapshot in public with their erogenous zones flapping in the breeze. Let's be honest, though: Hollywood is a notoriously trend-intensive town. As soon as the rest of the Show Biz Kids catch wind (snicker!) of the attention Brit and Paris are attracting with their knickers-free shenanigans, everyone will be hanging their stuff out there for the paparazzi to capture.

To capitalize on this phenomenon, the online sports betting service BetUS.com has posted odds as to the next celebrity whose private parts will be circulating on the 'Net. In case you're interested in getting a little action down, here are a few of the current overs on the lack of unders (reported, of course, for entertainment purposes only), straight from the BetUS.com tote board:

• Tara Reid or Janet, Miss Jackson If You're Nasty: 2 to 1.
  
• Nicole Richie: 3 to 1.
  
• One of the Bush twins (no pun intended): 4 to 1.
  
• Jessica Simpson or Lindsay Lohan: 5 to 1.
  
• Pink (again, no pun intended): 10 to 1.
  
• Madonna or Eva Longoria: 20 to 1.
  
• Halle Berry or Angelina Jolie: 50 to 1.
  
• Chelsea Clinton (yikes!): also 50 to 1.

What's truly frightening about this egregious fad is that any number of B-, C-, and D-list celebs might resort to a bit of flash and dash in an attempt to drum up support for their flagging careers — including many whom no one (and we do mean no one) would want to see trying this stunt at home, or anywhere else for that matter.

As a public service, SSTOL's crack staff (hee!) has compiled a list of women who absolutely, positively, ought never to get caught going commando:

• First Lady Laura Bush.
  
• Oprah Winfrey.
  
• Katie Couric.
  
• Roseanne.
  
• Either Laverne or Shirley.
  
• The two ambiguously gay women from the Yoplait yogurt commercials.
  
• Joan Rivers.
  
• Melissa Rivers.
  
• Pretty much anyone named Rivers.
  
• Martha Stewart.
  
• Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.
  
• Senator Hillary Clinton. Or any other member of the U.S. Senate.
  
• Sue Johanson, the Talk Sex lady.
  
• Bea Arthur.
  
• Courtney Love (oops, too late).