Twelve pyramids, no Donny Osmond

In America's ongoing quest to find someone else to blame for everything, we now have so-called diet experts blaming the U.S. Department of Agriculture for kids being fat.

Because, of course, as you know, kids all over the country carefully examine that "Food Pyramid" chart every time they enter the school cafeteria, and plan their meals accordingly.

Snicker. (No relation to the candy bar.)

So now the USDA has been pressured to create (at heaven only knows how much expense to us taxpayers) a new graphically-based system of 12 — count 'em, twelve — new pyramids for telling kids how to eat.

Which they will assiduously ignore.

Just like they ignored the old Food Pyramid.

Does anyone really believe that people will eat a certain way because some diagram or Web site published by the government tells them they should? If there are people who so believe, please point them out to me, because I have right here in my chubby little fist the deed to a certain International Orange marvel of engineering these folks are no doubt hankering to purchase.

But at least there's someone at whom to point the finger if your kids are overweight. And you won't need a mirror to find them.