Who's your daddy?

Inasmuch as I'm not Roman Catholic, I don't have a dog in this fight. But I'll guess that there are more than a few folks of the Catholic persuasion who are at least a little disappointed that their honchos chose a stolid old German guy as the new pope instead of someone younger, hipper, and maybe even with a little soul (pun intended).

Personally, I thought Pope Snoop Dogg the First would have been pretty interesting.

This came to me the other evening as KM and I were watching her new DVD of Sister Act (one of her favorite movies). Suppose the new pope had taken a cue from Whoopi Goldberg? Imagine the man in the pointy hat coming out onto the balcony for his first official blessing, and instead of intoning the same old Latinate spiel, rocking the mic with a bit of flava (with apologies to the Sugar Hill Gang):

Well I'm the P to the O to the P-O-P
And we'll add on another E
I said I go by the unforgettable name
Of Pope M.C. One -- that's me
You see, my name is known all over the world
To all the Catholic people, all the boys and girls
And I'm goin' down in his-to-ry
As the baddest pope there ever could be
I'm gonna bless you here
I'm gonna bless you there
I'm gonna bless you right outta this atmosphere
'Cause I'm the first of my kind
I'm gonna shock your mind
I'm gonna slap a rosary on your behind
Because I rock and I roll with so much soul
I might be pope till I'm a hundred and one years old
I don't mean to brag, I don't mean to boast
But I like def jams with my wine and host
I'm a pope of the people, I truly feel
I'll tour the world in my popemobile
You may find me very sexy or even cute
When I step to your 'hood in my white and gold suit
Because you need a pope who's got finesse
And a big bling crucifix on his chest
A pope who can pray all through the night
But still can rock and party till the early light
And I'm here
And I'm there
I'm the hip-hop pope, and I'm everywhere!

Okay, well...it worked for me.