Uncle Swan rips 'n' reads

Random synapse-firings from the pop culture cosmos...

• Okay, now I feel ancient: Punky Brewster is a mommy.
  
  
• Why does a 50 Cent CD cost $12.88, even at Wal-Mart?
  
  
• Irony of the Week Award: In San Francisco, a dump truck hauling dirt spills its cargo in a porn shop. You couldn't make that up. As a side note, the clerk working in the store at the time of the accident is named Jersey Dog.
  
  
• Mary-Kate Olsen is reportedly considering an offer to become the newest spokesmodel for Calvin Klein. What comes between Mary-Kate and her Calvins? Obviously not solid food.
  
  
• Marcia Cross, costar of Desperate Housewives, is engaged. The question is: In what?
  
  
• Let's have a pity party: Women with humongous breast implants have a tough time finding clothes that fit. The owners of the Hooters restaurant chain are quoted as saying, "Crisis? What crisis?"
  
  
• In a related story, Tara Reid admits to a fan publication that her thoracic accountrements are surgically enhanced. Well, duh, Tara.
  
  
• The British music magazine Kerrang! named Green Day as the best band on the planet. Of course, Kerrang! also named Iron Maiden to its hall of fame, so you can take its editorial opinion with a case of hearing aid batteries.
  
  
• Sixteen-year-old actress Scout Taylor-Compton, missing for more than two weeks, was discovered at last at the home of a friend. Apparently the star of the film Sleepover was having a... nahhh, that's way too easy.
  
  
• Speaking of way too easy: Major League Baseball's 2005 Comeback Player of the Year Award is sponsored by Viagra.