ABC: Already Been Canceled

Continuing the parade of fall network schedule announcements, ABC and the WB ran their new slates up the flagpole in search of salutes.

ABC's bundle of warmed-over retreads — I mean, brand spanking new series — includes:

• Commander-in-Chief: Geena Davis as POTUS. Nothing against Ms. Davis, whose work I happen to enjoy, but don't we already have The West Wing? How many shows set in the White House can America possibly need? If this is a diversionary tactic, it's not working — we know old Captain Clueless is really still the President.
  
  
• Freddie: A sitcom starring Freddie Prinze, Jr. Pretty much tells you everything you needed to know right there, doesn't it?
  
  
• Hot Properties: Four women working in a tony real estate office. You hated this before when the characters were interior decorators, and the title was Designing Women. If this show's supporting cast includes an ambiguously gay black man played by Meshach Taylor, be afraid. Be very afraid.
  
  
• Speaking of afraid, ABC's resurrecting (ha! I made a funny!) Kolchak: The Night Stalker. This was wicked cool and innovative back in the early '70s, when Darrin McGavin played the title role. Today, after seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Elvis has left the graveyard.
  
  
• And still more fear: Invasion is a sci-fi epic about aliens from outer space trying to take over the world. Previously, this series was known as The Invaders ('60s version), V ('80s version) and The X-Files ('90s version). Oh, and Tom Cruise, you're wanted on line two.

For its autumn menu, The WB will be offering up...who cares, really? When's the last time you watched something on the WB? Here's how desperate these folks are: They're renewing 7th Heaven for a tenth season.

Did you even know that show was still on the air?

(This article is cross-posted to my film/television blog at DVD Verdict.)